Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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