My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
