I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
