it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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