i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I lost the right to judge tonight
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
