Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
