Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
how does that bad decision feel?
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