made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
