we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
