I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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