yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
