I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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