either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
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And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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