mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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