no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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