I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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