Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i came on her dog
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
