I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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