Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
