yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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