The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
