What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
