omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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