true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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