What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
