Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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