Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
