He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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