you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
