I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
