this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
