My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
