I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
