every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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