sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
