She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
