i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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