just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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