guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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