We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
