OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
