It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
