i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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