my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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