You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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