He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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