I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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