This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
