Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
