And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
