Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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