Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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