Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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