Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
