My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
