So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
