Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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