Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
