i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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