Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
