"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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