Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
