She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
