apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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