one word: firstdatebathroomanal
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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