4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
