I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
