It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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