I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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