Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
