let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
