his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
