Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
