Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize