HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
