shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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